not what i had expected

this is not the post i had expected to make today,
and in some ways, many ways
it feels like a cop out
but
that is unavoidable...
i haven't come up with a great new 365 project
so while it seemed beneficial to have a photographic counterpoint
to my daily watercolor practice
continuing with a daily image from the studio
feels as if i am just fulfilling an obligation
so for now i am going to stop posting here
and
THIS SCARES THE SH*T OUT OF ME
(but not quite as much as say;
stopping my daily watercolor practice
and that has occurred to me as well)

as i write this post
every part of me is screaming out not to do this
screaming FAILURE
it's the stubborn voice of the ego
fighting to keep the status quo
and that in and of itself
should be a good enough reason to forge ahead
and to see what the outcome actually is
as opposed to what i "think" it will be.

i have long suspected that at some point
my reliance on daily work
begins to fall more heavily on the side of "doing"
than it does on "being"
and i have long suspected that i need to confront this
and risk severing the identity that comes with these projects,
an identity which can define me so tightly
that there is no space for me to breathe
this seems like it should be a relatively easy step to take
but in actuality i fear
that the rest of my life will start to tumble like a pack of cards

while i have many prepared,
i am not posting an image for today;
because the only way things change
is if you change how you do them.

for those who visit here,
thanks for caring,
i have many ideas for what might eventually inhabit this space,
so if you want to follow along
i'm sure i'll be tweeting about it
and i have a mailing list for when i begin new projects.

onward ho!