consistent

at least i'm consistent across mediums
it makes me feel as if i have something to say
even if i am not sure what it is

hard to tell

what's going on sometimes

waiting for me

how now brown cow

no i don't know where this is going
sometimes i feel that it doesn't matter
as long as i am doing
and other times i feel as if that's ass
probably both true
there is probably a time & place for everything
and that is exactly what i am trying to do:
find a time and place

I wrote that earlier today
it still makes sense
but in a different context
and things went in many directions
because i gave myself the space
and the freedom
to (shhhhhh) play

(from the twitter feed)

nb: while i always do size (see previous posts), i haven't "grounded" in ages

going somewhere

but where?

process | progress

seen previously

as tweeted

challenge

i've been immersed again in on-line activity
which always leads me to question my involvement;
the quality of the time i spend on line
and why it's so seductive

i have to say the bulk of it is simply relaxation
i never watched tv
so for me, it must be replacing reading
this doesn't seem so wonderful to me

i justify it by perceiving it as an aid to both professional & visual development
while some of this might be true
the activity seems to be mainly voyeuristic in nature
and i can't imagine that resulting in growth
there is simply no stretching or questioning involved
there simply is no process
it is hard for me to qualify what i take away from the experience
except for diversion

i think we are all trying to figure out
how one uses technology as a tool
without it using you
somehow,
the process of arriving at what to post today
speaks to this for me

daily bread		animus

p.o.v.

there is something about this that i must like
i take it almost everyday
as a safety shot
in the event that i have nothing else to post...
but there is more to it than that
there is a the fact that there are unfinished thoughts here
which,
while i can recognize them as coming from me
i can't figure out how to speak them yet

water bowl

it's amazing to me that the holidays cause so much interference
this is typical of my somewhat deluded thinking
i have some sort of belief that what i want to accomplish in the studio is a given
and that all additional (and unexpected) activities
will magically get fit into my schedule
of course this is not how it works
and of course this leads to frustration

i am hoping to back on track in the studio by wednesday
but its been a difficult time period
to try to formulate my new schedule

oski seems to be feeling a bit better
he was head butting & purring last night
:)

precious

Precious at Heidi Cho Gallery: November 19 - December 30, 2009 | 522 West 23rd St, NYC
(l) not a secret anymore, oil, pure pigment, graphite & muslin, 26" x 29", 2009
(r) the song i would sing, oil, pure pigment, thread & muslin, 26" x 29", 2009

camera around my neck all night
and this is the only picture i took
there are some things i don't do
and i think i need to stop trying
i think i can just let them go...
it's a lot about that now...
letting go

questioning

i am questioning these paintings right now
questioning if they are really any good
they are pretty
they are pleasing
but
are they "good"
are they "undeniable"

not sure about this

upside down

so as i tweeted today
everything in the studio went upside down
that resulted in a loss of...
preciousness?
equilibrium?
patience!
and there were ome major shifts

and then there is oski
who seems so content here
with his head in my watercolor water

but who spends the whole day
watching for intruding cats
which means
i spend my whole day
watching for his attempt at scaling the backyard fence
(he succeeds occasionally despite my elaborate attempts at containing him)

wip

this one is moving slowly
remember,
you can track it's progress
(or lack thereof)
by clicking wip in the cloud tag below

there's an explanation for everything

these paintings are taking so long to dry
and they need to be kept flat
and i am running out of room on the ground...
so i am using the footers that support our deck
to create some air space so i can stack them




last month's flickr posts

response

this post is specifically in response to a flickr "conversation"
it is "here" rather than "there"
because ultimately it speaks to something
that is core to what happens in the studio

i am not sure that i can fully explain this
except to say that it is primarily about feeling "other"
eventually, in any social situation
there comes a point when i have to confront that i am not really a part of what is going on.
now,
perhaps this is true for most people some of the time
but for me it is a given
and my response to this is to isolate
this removes the "lonely" aspect of the feeling
because "being alone" is a choice
and i value my sense of "otherness"
as a necessary aspect of my process

i don't in any way mean to imply that i don't appreciate the beauty of a community like flickr
i am extremely appreciative of the support i have gotten through photo blogging,
and it has helped me grow as an artist in many, many ways
i also care very deeply about the friends i have made on-line
i care about their work
and i care about the people behind the images
but,
most important to me
when i go online
is the visual experience
not the social one
the more i have to read
the more i have to visually filter
the more writing and distractions there are on a page
the less i enjoy looking

on the other hand
i believe this whole web is a giant process piece
and by participating in certain communities
i take on responsibilities;
by joining i agree to play along
and so
unless they are extremely offensive
i personally choose not to delete comments or notes
my feeling is
that once i have put stuff out there,
in an environment that invites interaction
and someone has taken the time to respond
that response becomes part of the work
in the same spirit,
i really try not to take myself out of the loop
for example, i'll only shut down comments
during those times when i know i can not reciprocate
therefore,
i don't feel removing the tagging option is a solution for me.

there are 2 reasons for this
the first is that i do want to feel part of a community and playing by different rules ultimately makes me feel even more "other"
and second,
as much as possible, i don't want to be having a different experience from everyone else,
as an artist who uses the internet
i want to have a finger on the pulse of what is really going on
this also helps me grow
mostly by raising questions like these that have come up around the issues of social networking
and trying to answer them,
truthfully

and,
this is why i continually make stand-alone blogs;
these are places where i can do everything on my own terms,
where i am in control of all aspects; layout, interaction, content, etc.
of course it makes for a much smaller audience
but the process of art is about expression
and that is what i am concerned with
the product of art is about response
and that is something that i can not make a priority
i've learned the hard way
that doing so has very bad consequences for my work.

god is in the details

detail of a painting that will probably never get finished
yet was the beginning of everything i am doing now
and was the impetus for ivegotasecret

at the time
i seemed i had found the answer i was looking for
and i had
but it was not exactly what i thought
and it took a full 9 months
to realize that

yup,
a full 9 months

(and i had a real hard time choosing which image to use)

good morning

it always is
(a good morning)
when i can walk into the studio
and see evidence of myself
i have had an epiphany of sorts;
a new understanding of how all my processes could come together
more of that will unfold here
as usual it involves feeling "other"
and involves being ok with that
had dinner with one of my oldest friends who i hadn't seen in some time
when 2 "others" get together, it can be very nice

life imitates art

layering

some days just slip through your fingers
today was one of them

this month's flickr posts: