lying awake

not that i often do
i am usually exhausted by the time i get into bed
(it's the book referred to here)

don't ask

some things...
are better left unsaid

scissors

seems like

it seems like this should mean something,
it doesn't
perhaps this does:

discouraged

why?
because nothing's working

visiting

i went to new hampshire for a few days
so this is "from the studio"
quite a few years ago

i have spent a lot of time in this house
but haven't visited in many years
there have been many changes
but so much is familiar
though i am not sure this is...

night time

change

one change is that this blog is no longer the front page of this site...
another is i have deactivated fb for now
& sworn off _randomthoughts for the moment.
it's kind of a last ditch effort to reconnect
'cause nothing seems to be working

postcard from the edge

i think this blog will be moving,
it is no longer appropriate for the front page of my site,
there will most likely be a link to it
from the behind the lens section of this site

no fear

i really don't know what else to do
besides take this to an extreme
honestly,
i don't have anything to lose

dark flower

it's a crumpled up piece of paper towel that i use to wipe my fountain pen on when i refill it...
that's all

hanging

by a thread
some days
that's just what it feels like

missing

ever feel like something's missing?
i do

f*cked

first my scanning computer started making noises from hell...
definitely on its last legs
that's understandable, it is the first computer i ever owned
but tonight my main imaging computer seems to have gotten hit with something
and i can't really get any programs to run
at least i can access the files
but it leaves me in a very uncomfortable place
and with 4 hours of less sleep tonight.

i cheated

in a way
i suppose i cheated,
i needed to shoot today's watercolor
and while i was getting ready to upload the images
i seem to have shot this...

so here i am
trying to prepare myself to be more present
by swearing off my electronic obsessions
and i have basically been a nervous wreck all day

in some ways,
i think all this on-line activity must calm me,
moderate me,
without it i feel very agitated
and certainly not more "in the moment"

and where are the huge chunks of time
that i was hoping would be liberated
from the spell of the screen & the keyboard?
i have as many "undone" things today
as i always do...


at least i like the flower that i draw today

2nite views

when it don't write
sometimes it means
i have nothing to say
sometimes it means
i can't say anything

confused

can you tell?
and tense
and nervous
...

taking care of business

things took a little turn today
when i went down to the basement
and found the boiler had blown a gasket
150+ gallons of water later
(sucked up by the shop vac,
which was then emptied,
bucket by bucket
into the sewer)
and things were pretty much under control.
fortunately basically everything
(as in my paintings)
was stored 6" above the ground
with one of the exceptions being a box containing some frames
(another being my rolls of seamless)
pretty lucky
pretty tired
pretty off my mark

unresolved

so many things unresolved
so many loose ends
but
the oblique strategies blog has launched
so if you've been following along on twitter
there are now visuals

metamorphosis

sometimes there's a dark aspect to it