worms (let go)

so i did it
i finally did it
my worm box is no more

i separated out the worms from the compost
they must have recently hatched...
i saw no eggs
and only a few that were recognizable as small worms
the majority were like tiny little threads
i am sure i missed quite a few
but i did my best
and released them into my main compost
where they'll have a chance to burrow deep in the ground
below the frost line
and hopefully survive the winter

i do worry about their compatibility with the worms that live there already,
they are huge
like small snakes....

honestly,
it was quite an emotional experience for me
but i felt i needed to take the risk
and let this piece of my past go
i am afraid i am holding on to what is gone
and not making enough room for "new"

daily bread		animus

letting go

i am having a hard time with this,
with letting go
but one of the great benefits of living with 4 seasons
is being able to take comfort
in nature's cycles
and this is autumn
and it is about letting go
letting go of warmth,
and green
and growth
to prepare to hibernate
to gather strength
to grow again

this is my worm box
this is as much my studio as anything else
this has been with me for 15, maybe 20 years
this gave me a way to feel connected to the earth
while living in the middle of nyc
this is fertile, fecund and alive
this is concrete
and
this is a metaphor

this is about moving on and letting go
this is about things that no longer work
and
things that may no longer be necessary
regardless of the affection we feel for them
this is about recognizing something is over
even if you don't want it to be
(or it seems frightening beyond comprehension)

i now have a garden,
more than i can handle really
i have a compost pile in the far corner
and an outdoor compost bin on my deck
but still
without the box,
i will have no way to recycle my food scraps over the winter.
i think i need to accept this;
the box is corroded
it can't come back into the studio
i could transfer the worms to a plastic bin
but i no longer need to garden indoors
and that would not be the same;
there was a romance to this box
it was a birthday present during a very difficult time
i had to fight for it
i had to wait for it
and wait some more when it came without its "viewing panel"
and it got me through some tough times,
times when literally "playing with the worms"
was the only thing that centered me
but still
it might be time to let it go
and embrace something bigger
in this case
embrace the larger connection to the outdoors
in this case
embrace a larger connection to the world.

and this includes accepting that we don't garden in winter
we take a break
and this includes accepting that support systems can grow weak
so we replace them