scissors

more small things

i have been intending to stick to a schedule
but when i am this messed up
sticking to anything
works for me

studio pieces

a/c

i made a little video of the transparent envelopes fluttering on my wall
one i put sound to
the other is them coming to rest as the a/c shuts down
it seems to be true
heat turns your brain to mush
;D

also learning to play with imovie

and trying to figure out which service to use to embed videos

postcard from the edge

i think this blog will be moving,
it is no longer appropriate for the front page of my site,
there will most likely be a link to it
from the behind the lens section of this site

work

someone's been working hard
and i have some difficult work ahead

healing the split

that's what this is all about really
making myself whole again
not feeling split and compartmentalized
having my decisions, priorities, etc
stem from a centered place

root

i need to start out on this journey again
i seem to have taken a wrong turn

i have not yet done with this what i need to

meta-morph

for the past month
my focus has been decidedly virtual
basically my only physical study activity has been my daily watercolors
this is the project that i have been working on

daily bread		animus

turnips are the new pears

not exactly from the studio
more like
for the studio
a simple sign
of how distracted i am

shrinking

if you think this poppy has shriveled
you should see the turnips!

parsnip

there are things that are starting to make sense to me
not too much sense
that would leave no room for magic
but enough sense to provide
a bit of a framework
on which to hang things
a bit of a structure
on which to build
a bit of a web
in which to catch
the things that might otherwise fall

bee|me

somewhat floored by whatever this is,
it made it hard to find my equilibrium today
(felt so much like vertigo last night but now not sure)

letting go

i am having a hard time with this,
with letting go
but one of the great benefits of living with 4 seasons
is being able to take comfort
in nature's cycles
and this is autumn
and it is about letting go
letting go of warmth,
and green
and growth
to prepare to hibernate
to gather strength
to grow again

this is my worm box
this is as much my studio as anything else
this has been with me for 15, maybe 20 years
this gave me a way to feel connected to the earth
while living in the middle of nyc
this is fertile, fecund and alive
this is concrete
and
this is a metaphor

this is about moving on and letting go
this is about things that no longer work
and
things that may no longer be necessary
regardless of the affection we feel for them
this is about recognizing something is over
even if you don't want it to be
(or it seems frightening beyond comprehension)

i now have a garden,
more than i can handle really
i have a compost pile in the far corner
and an outdoor compost bin on my deck
but still
without the box,
i will have no way to recycle my food scraps over the winter.
i think i need to accept this;
the box is corroded
it can't come back into the studio
i could transfer the worms to a plastic bin
but i no longer need to garden indoors
and that would not be the same;
there was a romance to this box
it was a birthday present during a very difficult time
i had to fight for it
i had to wait for it
and wait some more when it came without its "viewing panel"
and it got me through some tough times,
times when literally "playing with the worms"
was the only thing that centered me
but still
it might be time to let it go
and embrace something bigger
in this case
embrace the larger connection to the outdoors
in this case
embrace a larger connection to the world.

and this includes accepting that we don't garden in winter
we take a break
and this includes accepting that support systems can grow weak
so we replace them